PART 3 (of 4)

Certainly, as I had mentioned previously, there was also lots of shadow work happening.

See, it wasn’t that the family wanted me to suffer; they actually believed they were helping me according to their own dogma and belief systems.

They wanted me to “grow” in order to fit into their paradigm because, honestly, when I joined them, I was the black sheep (again? Even here? :)).

They were also supportive to the extent that all my financial needs were taken care of by the family, and I did not have to work to make money myself.

In hindsight, I realized it was only creating more co-dependency and disempowerment for myself, as I was not in financial sovereignty at all, even though I thought I was, and I also did not want to work; I wanted to be taken care of by someone else, I wanted to be rescued and saved, and my partner was certainly making sure that this was continuously happening.

He had a strong tendency to respond to my call to be rescued, he wanted to “help” me, but truly, he was just feeding the co-dependency that was also serving his own mother’s wound.

Oh well, I guess I have to get into some of the juicy bits of our relationship now. 

So the other totally crazy thing is that when I met him, he told me that he was a spiritual karma-free and liberated being.

And, oh boy, I was so fascinated and drawn in by that. He was a master of words and had extraordinary psychic abilities (that, at the end of the day, made him see what he wanted to see), and for that reason, I totally believed everything he was saying and continuously asked him for advice, to the point that I was so disconnected to my inner voice and truth and was again co-depended to what he would say, laying my power at his feet.

It was not only me that experienced that, but also a lot of his followers were giving their power away (and continue to do so) as he was the almighty liberated guru, and people looked up to him.

I remember once he said to me, “Maybe I should not laugh when we are with our students, so they don’t see me as a friend but always remember I am their teacher.”

What an interesting thought for a surprisingly self-realized being, don’t you think?

And of course, because he was the liberated one, all shadow, all triggers (also from his end because he was getting triggered when I was not behaving according to this his idea) were my fault and my shadow because he had no wounding anymore, how convenient 🙂

But honestly, I was so subscribed to everything he said that I simply believed it. Yet, eventually, 2 years later, a voice of reason began to emerge, and I began to see through the veil questioning his credibility and noticing very strong contradictions in him.

That was the time when the community slowly began to fall apart. People left, and he and I chose to take a break for some months to have space to think.

We never got back together (luckily, and thanks God for that) as he got a new girlfriend within 2 months of our departure (so much to do the healing work after a breakup), but it was all legit, because guess what? 

She was also a liberated and karma-free being, and they were meant to be together as they would be the ones to bring christ’sChrist consciousness to the planet.

And what I was told along the lines was: “Once you liberate from the illusion of the ego, you will understand that we (meaning themselves, not others) are beings of Christ Consciousness and have a very important mission here that is bigger than you.”

It was painful. It was traumatizing. It triggered the shit of unworthiness out of me.

There was so much gas-lightening happening, and I was lost in such obscurity (check out the 11 Gene Key Shadow. Of course, it totally twice in my chart and explains the scenario EXACTLY), left in the dark.

It took me years of healing, of reclamation, of dissolving the veil and spell I was under, to finally pierce through into the clarity of realizing the truth and trusting my inner knowing.

Because the truth is, I had a suspicious feeling about them from the very beginning, but because the spell ran so deep and I had given my power away, I was not trusting my own inner voice but rather believing what others would say.

Well, the gift is that now my bullshit radar is so clear and my intuition so crystalline that I instantly sense when someone is speaking from embodied truth or simply pretending AND trusting my inner knowing.

There is so much more I could say to that. But I will leave it here.

Read the conclusion in part 4